Monday . May 3 , 2020
my life is so monotonous but still confusing. I never really affiliate myself with others, when I think I need something and I have it, I still feel empty, another emotional crisis, a repetitive circle, why do I think the same situations over and over again, how is it that I live based on memories and false illusions. I try to distract myself to get back to my mind. I have no plans, I just exist, and no one seems to notice. I am a stranger to all the people who think they know me, possibly I am exhausted, I feel empty and trapped in delusions and chemical reactions, poorly programmed. It is sad to know that I am just an empty existence in a world full of opportunities and monotonous lives, material illusions and false feelings. I can never express myself clearly when I speak, but I am a lonely talker, so if I do, that's fine, only I am listening.
people and their false expectations about me, I'm alone, I feel alone and my head is on fire, I feel it burning, And when I speak, people think that I'm just exaggerating, that it's a sad state, possibly I'll be better in an hour, but it really is a tiring job when my brain gets screwed, I never know if I've hit rock bottom it's always worse. but calm down, I'm fine, I'm happy. So never worry about me, I will continue to be happy and smiling until my happiness makes me die.
Saturday. May 8, 2020
So, this is how this works? You play cruelly with me, then you get bored and you leave. if you really miss me, and you love me. Don't say you do, don't say you love me You don't love me and you never have, so why do I think you do? I want to believe that you love me, but you don't. Am I just a frustrated attempt by your girl? I'm just a sewer you use, am I a garbage like your friends Why do you act innocent? You know what you do, you know everything you say, why do you act confused? Do you like to hurt me, that's what my friends say. And I never know what to believe, I never have an opinion of my own, I am like an open door. So don't lie to me every night, cause you do And when I try to speak you will be wrong and you will leave, it is screwed. why can't you be easier ?. why don't you try looking for another girl, maybe a blonde, brunette, redhead, brown hair. anyone, why don't you look for those girls you post. why don't you look for another girl, you wanna do it ik, that's why you posted that girl today with a stupid text, and fucking edgy. But you know, I hope you get someone like that, sometimes I think you should lose yourself.
I am nothing to you, just something you want to call a girlfriend, a simple, basic, useless and boring girlfriend. black hair and black eyes. nothing special, I get lost in the crowd. I am not pretty, I am not perfect, I am nothing, I am just a basic human. do you want something else? right, are you interested in other shit? motherfucker.
This is so tense, I want to just erase my mind, and all my memories, just be away. Or just have an opinion of my own, what do I do? What should I do? I'm sorry, there's nothing in my head. I just have to go, I must walk away, I am in love and hate. Why should you screw everything up with that stupid post? You know you fucked this.